REVIEWED: Jetpack Joyride

Summary: it's a blast.

Although it released back on September 1st, and I'm very late to the reviewing party, I still feel the need to gush a little bit about this amazingly simple, amazingly addictive, amazingly amazing game.  Jetpack Joyride (developed by Halfbrick Studios) puts you in the shoes of one Barry Steakfries who breaks into a laboratory and steals top secret jet-packs.  Along the way you will collect coins, high-five scientists, avoid rockets, and encounter several entertaining vehicle types to commandeer.  What's the point?  To make it as far as you can through an endless, varied level while completing mini objectives and, ultimately, face-sliding.

The game plays simply enough.  The control scheme is easy to remember: just touch the screen to give your jet-pack juice.  That's it!  Oh, and you'll have to dodge lasers, rockets, and electricity fields all while trying to nab as many coins as you can.  There are also six awesome vehicles to drive that are scattered throughout the level.  When you see a multicolored box with a gear logo on it, simply fly into it to gain the "Lil Stomper"...

 

 

Stomper SMASH!

or the "Bad As Hog"...

BLAM!

perhaps the "Profit Bird"...

If only birds pooped cash... the world would be a better (and cleaner) place.

maybe the "Gravity Guy" (a gravity manipulation suit)...

Who needs coins when you can manipulate gravity?  Apparently not Barry Steakfries!

the "Crazy Freaking Teleporter"...

Freakin' crazy.

or "Mr. Cuddles" (if you're lucky)...

Skyrim, take notes.  This game has dragons and it doesn't freeze my system....

 All of these contraptions control a little differently, but they still use the "one-button" idea.  None of the vehicles are poorly designed but the "Crazy Freaking Teleporter" is a bit jarring to use.  I don't really have a favorite, they are all just that good.  Though I have to say that the "Profit Bird" (which defecates money...) and "Mr. Cuddles" still make me laugh a bit as I tear through the level with them.

All of these vehicles can be leveled-up using coins.  The biggest add-on is the magnet ability which makes coins attracted to the particular vehicle allowing you to pick-up more.

 

The "Golden Hog" guarantees that "you will have at least 23 more ladies swoon when compared to the regular hog."

 

Speaking of upgrades: this game provides them in spades.  There are twelve different jet-packs to purchase and rock-out and there are quite a bit of costumes to purchase and rock-out in!  My Barry is currently sporting the "Honest Phil" head (that's one awesome beard and one awesome shit-eating grin) and the "Classy Suit" (after seeing Thunderball, what else would you wear while sporting a jet-pack?).  

Sharks and frickin' lasers!

"Honest Phil."  Uh-huh.

Not only are there plenty of upgrades, there are also "missions" and Achievements.  The missions can be anything from high-fiving five scientists in one run to traveling a set distance in a specific vehicle.  They really provide a fun time while you are trying to accomplish them and sometimes (more often than not) you get some pretty hilarious outcomes.  By completing missions you gain stars (based on their difficulty) and that allows you to gain rank.  Gaining rank provides you with more missions and also unlocks various Achievements.  There are also Achievements for doing awesome things like wearing a top hat, the classy suit, and using the "Traditional" jet-pack.  These little goals help to mix things up in a fairly linear experience and your successes keep you coming back for more.

They aren't Trophies... but what the heck?

The first mission on this list is actually the hardest....

SCORE!

Jetpack Joyride also tracks all of your stats from how long you've played to how many times you've been hit by a rocket to how many scientists you've knocked-down.  Chances are, if you care about it (or don't) the game keeps track of it.  I'm a sucker for things like this and I love pouring over my personal stat pages for every game that provides it.  I don't even really care to compare myself to other gamers (although it certainly provides bragging rights for those who want... or need them), I just like knowing what I did with all of that time that I just lost.  Not that I view the time that I've "lost" with Jetpack Joyride as a bad thing.  I only mean that last night when I went to bed I ended up playing this game until my phone died... after two hours and thirty minutes.  It's addicting to be sure.

NOT current....

 So there you have it: the longest review that I've done (my first game review) and all for an iPhone game that I nabbed for free.  Yes, folks: if you hurry, Jetpack Joyride is (currently) free of charge.  When it is not free, it runs .99 cents.  Considering that after my first hour I decided that I would gladly pay upwards of $10 if a PSN or XBLA version was released, I would strongly recommend that you download this title immediately.  Seriously.  Do it.

Oh, and while you wait for it to download, here is a picture of James Bond from Thunderball:

Sean Connery = James Bond.  End of debate.

(In-game photos from... the game.  Thunderball photo from combatreform.org.)